Moving Past Divorce

25August16:55H    Posted by James Ogle MSW, LCSW

Going through a divorce can be one of the most difficult experiences that someone faces. People often feel lost after a divorce because they may feel that a large part of their identity was taken away.  Additionally, people may have strong feelings of anger and also experience other stages of grief.  Even though you may experience high levels of stress during a divorce, I believe there is always hope that you can move past the grief. 

When I work with clients who are recently divorced, I discuss the concept of avoiding attempts to find closure.  People typically want clear explanations on why the marriage ended, especially if they are in the position where their partner left them.  In my experience, the partner who ends the relationship cannot provide a clear answer for the reason for divorce.  Because closure is most often not possible, people can remain angry if they continue to fixate on factors that contributed to the marriage ending.   

People who openly discuss their anger towards their ex-partner with friends and family are most likely actually angry at themselves.  When a marriage ends, people often experience both guilt and shame from previous mistakes that occurred during the relationship.  At times, people may even believe that if they had not made mistakes during the marriage the relationship would not have ended.  I help clients recognize that it takes two people to make a successful relationship and if their partner ended the marriage, a choice was made to stop doing the work.  Then I help people experience feelings they have around past regrets, and at the same time, create a space for positive choices made during the marriage.  People can create a space to forgive themselves if they recognize that they are human.  Even though a person may regret previous choices made in the marriage, they should also acknowledge the positive choices.  When a person forgives themself, they can often then forgive their partner.  Divorce is a difficult process and the only way is through.  When a person grieves the loss, it is easier to move past it and move forward in their life.

James Ogle MSW, LCSW

Jim is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) who earned his Master’s degree in Social Work from Boston College. Having grown up in the North Shore area, Jim brings a familiarity of the community to the practice. He has been with Attention to Wellness for over a year and has over 16 years’ experience working with both adolescents and adults.

Jim has provided treatment in a variety of clinical settings to adolescents, adults, and families experiencing depression, anxiety, conduct issues, and other mood disorders. He brings six years’ experience working in court systems with youth on probation who were at risk of being removed from their home, and their families. Jim also brings experience providing anger management and drug counseling groups within multiple schools. Currently, Jim also works at a high school providing social work services to students who have an Individualized Education Program.

Jim’s approach with both adolescents and adults incorporates techniques from strengths-based, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (CBT/DBT), Motivational Interviewing, and Structural Family Therapy to help clients identify and eliminate barriers that inhibit them from achieving their goals.

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