Caring About Someone Struggling with Addiction

For many people, friends are the people who we care about the most. Often, when a friend is struggling with addiction, the individual may not notice at first. Then, as individuals start inquiring about their friend’s alcohol or drug use, the friend tends to minimize his or her behavior and may accuse the person of judging him or her. As the person who cares for their friend, they may question if they are overreacting to their friend’s alcohol or drug use. People often rationalize the behavior of others and, at times, may find themselves enabling their friend’s behavior. In time, the person may begin to recognize that their friend may have a problem with alcohol or drugs. This poses a difficult situation as the person may feel guilty for not expressing concern about their friend’s behavior and may also fear that if they talk about their concerns, their friend may react angrily and reject them.

When working with individuals who are concerned about a friend’s alcohol or drug use, I start by affirming they are not responsible for their friend’s behaviors. Often, individuals who are concerned about a friend’s alcohol or drug use may feel responsible for their friend’s addiction and recovery. I assist the individual to set firm boundaries with their friend. I encourage clients to share their concerns with their friend, affirming that they believe their alcohol or drug use and behaviors are concerning and that they will not be around the friend when he or she uses substances. It is likely that a person struggling with addiction will challenge those boundaries and I encourage clients to remain firm with any established boundaries. Should the friend choose not to continue the relationship, I try to help client’s recognize that they were not passing judgment on their friend but rather sharing their genuine concern. It can be challenging to lose a peer relationship but I try to help my clients remember, if a friend chooses addiction over the friendship, the friend is most likely not in a place to provide meaningful, reciprocal support. Finally, I offer to the client that there is always hope the friend may choose sobriety in the future.